Weymouth, MA: Massachusetts police were on poop patrol after they got a search warrant to inspect the bowel movements of a suspect who had allegedly swallowed a huge stash of drugs. After the suspect was taken to the hospital, Weymouth police combed through his fecal matter and found seven bags of heroin, eleven bags of cocaine and two bags of crack.
Phew! What a load.
Milwaukee, WI: A 21 year old Milwaukee man was trying to be funny by wearing a ski mask to his mother’s house and pretending to rob her. But his 37 year old mother took the prank seriously — she pulled out her .357 and shot him. His wounds are not life-threatening. Neither went to jail.
Ninny! It is not nice to fool your mother like that.
Lowell, MA: A truck-driver crashed into a house in Lowell Mass., when he gagged on Wendy’s chili. Eric Gremm, 59, was hauling lumber on his flatbed when he hit a bump and choked. Gremm suffered minor injuries and police cited him for distracted driving.
How the heck do you eat chili and drive a flatbed truck at the same time?
Butte, MT: A restaurant in the placid Montana town has been burglarized three times in the past four days, with thieves making off with hundreds of dollars in tips. Every time the owners fixed the door, the thieves came back and broke in again. The fourth time, the owners wised up and took all the money out.
DUH!
Alcoa, TN: Pray with me — or die! The son of an Alcoa, Tennessee pastor claims his father threatened him with a gun over the offspring’s poor church attendance. Michael Louis Colquitt, 32, took out an order of protection against his father, Joe Colquitt, 60, pastor of St. John Missionary Baptist Church.
Bad pastor. Baaaad pastor.
Rhode Island: A Rhode Island man was busted for illegally performing an operation on his dog because he couldn’t afford to pay a veterinarian. Alan MacQuattie cut into the canine to remove a cyst — and left it with an infection that had to be cured by a vet.
Penny wise and pound foolish!
