VERMONT: It has been reported that a farmer in Newport became so enraged that police arrested him for possession of marijuana that he transformed his tractor into a monster truck and drove over seven police cars. It took police quite a while to arrest the farmer. Why? When a neighbor alerted the police they could not give chase to the farmer because all of their cars had been crushed.
CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUUUUNCH!
MASSACHUSETTS: A 5- year old boy in Hyannis almost got suspended after he used the Legos in his classroom to make a play gun. He then pointed the gun and made a “bang-like” sound which outraged his teachers. “They told me he’s going to be suspended if he does it again,” said the boy’s mother.
THE KID SOUNDS AS DANGEROUS AS JOHN DILLINGER…
MAINE: A man in the town of Cushing received a five day jail sentence for assaulting his soon to be ex-wife with his penis. Prosecutors said Fred Thomas, 62, pummeled his estranged spouse, to whom he has been married for 39 years, with his organ when she refused to submit to his demand for sex.
THE FORMAL CHARGE WAS ASSAULT WITH A DEAD WEAPON!
MAINE: An alleged “john” in the town of Old Orchard Beach was arrested after he called 911 to complain that his quickie “date” with a prostitute was a little too quick and shorted him by 10 minutes, police report.
BLEW HIS TOP TOO SOON…
