June 24th, 2015 by Leonard Birdsong
IOWA: Extreme candy crush? We learn that Robert McKay of Spirit Lake was fired for using maximum force when his Twix candy bar became stuck in the vending machine. McKay commandeered a forklift, picking up the vending machine at least six times and dropping it onto the concrete floor, according to a report by the Iowa State Unemployment records office. He was fired several days later.
MARYLAND: What a doofuss! Robert Wilson, 42, bungled his bank robbery attempt horrible a few weeks ago when he dropped more than $20,000 he stole on the floor of the bank. He struggled to collect the cash in an upturned umbrella – then slipped on an icy sidewalk as he fled, cutting his head open. By the time he got to his getaway car, police were already in pursuit. They soon captured and arrested him. He is on his way to federal prison.
CALIFORNIA: Bzzzzz, bzzzzz, sting, sting. A two car accident near L.A. turned into a brutal attack by more than 600 bees when one of the vehicles
June 17th, 2015 by Leonard Birdsong
ILLINOIS: They say she’s off the hook in this hair-raising homicide! A woman who killed a man with the sharp end of a comb handle in a violent domestic dispute will not be charged, Kane County prosecutors determined. Their investigations found that the unarmed 19-year-old acted in self-defense last year when she stabbed Lamar House, 31 in the aorta with the handle of her 12-inch comb. OUCH!
NEW YORK: The NRA is truly alive and well. A Baptist Church in Troy, is trying to boost attendance by offering parishioners a chance to win a rifle.
June 10th, 2015 by Leonard Birdsong
KENYA: Baaaaa! Baaaaa! A rapist was convicted in Kenya after testimony from the victim – a goat. Katana Kitsao Gona was forced to be confronted by his accuser in a courtroom when officials brought in the goat at his bestiality trial and the goat, reportedly, started bleating repeatedly. Gona, who had been found naked with the animal in a farmer’s field, was found guilty and given a ten year prison sentence.
FLORIDA: A lazy, lazy thief failed to knock over a Wendy’s in Miramar when he tried to hold it up from inside his car at the drive through window. Although he had a gun, the clerk simply closed the service window and went to call police. The would-be robber drove away but was soon caught and arrested.
SWEDEN: It’s called probable cause! A teenage girl was arrested for robbing $370 in cash from a hamburger restaurant in Halmstad, after she posed
June 3rd, 2015 by Leonard Birdsong
SWEDEN: OMG! A police officer was docked five days’ pay after he recorded a hot sex tape, while in uniform, in a police headquarters dressing room. He then sent the tape to a police colleague he had never met. Authorities ruled that the officer sexually molested the colleague and “violated their sexual integrity” by sending the sexy footage, according to reports.
FLORIDA: We have learned that an autistic Florida boy will be allowed to keep his chickens. J.J. Hart loved his chickens which brought joy to his life and halted his temper tantrums. His mother had given him his first chicken and it had a soothing effect on him. However, after a local law allowing people to keep chickens at home expired, officials proceeded to remove the chickens. After his parents threatened to sue, the City Council of DeBarry voted to let J.J. keep his chickens at their home.
SWEDEN: A 27-year-old man was exonerated of drug charges after he told authorities he unknowingly ate a cake laced with
May 27th, 2015 by Leonard Birdsong
RUSSIA: It was a Pussy Riot! The Russian Supreme Court ordered a review of the case of two women from the band Pussy Riot, holding that the lower courts had failed to provide full evidence of their guilt and had overlooked mitigating factors in sentencing them to two years in prison. The ruling may have meant shorter sentences for Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina. Subsequently, during Christmas week 2013, Vladimir Putin granted them clemency, commuted their sentences and had them released from prison.
OKLAHOMA: Their worshipers are called “Pastafarians.” After the state authorized construction of a privately funded Ten Commandments statue at the Oklahoma Capitol, officials were flooded with requests for new displays, including one from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. However, the Oklahoma Capitol Preservation Commission has banned handling requests until a court dispute over the commandments monument is settled.
FLORIDA: No good deed goes unpunished! A group of church people were kicked out of a Lake Worth park for trying to help the homeless on Thanksgiving