Professor Birdsong

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 435: Nuns on the Run

COLORADO: Nuns on the run!! A man hopped a fence and for some reason chased a little old nun around a convent. The nun-chaser was but one of three rogues who have jumped over the six-foot fence at the Littleton Carmelite Order of Discalced Carmelite in the past year. We learn that the nuns have since asked the city for permission to build an eight-foot-high fence. Good luck!   GEORGIA: The questions is – “Where did he put the cocktail sauce?” A man allegedly purloined a bag of frozen shrimp by shoving it down the front of his pants. Unfortunately, his pants gave off a distinctive crunching sound as he was leaving the Dollar General store in Albany. The man
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 434: China’s Forbidden Fruit

CHINA: They term it China’s “forbidden fruit.” It has been reported that officials have banned videos in China of attractive people eating bananas. Web firms have been forced to crack down on users, often beautiful women, who stream videos of themselves chowing down on what is considered the “phallic fruit.” Government officials started cracking down on such videos in May 2016, declaring a war against “inappropriate and erotic” web content.   BRAZIL: Ha, ha – some joke… A man was arrested for trying to extinguish the Olympic torch by throwing a bucket of water over it as it passed through the farming town of Maracaju in Brazil in late June 2016. Police arrested the 27-year-old-man at the scene for damaging
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 433: Penis–Measuring Contest Gone Wrong!

RUSSIA:  The headline read: “Small wonder, “I’d add – OUCH! A Russian man lopped off his best friend’s penis with an axe after their penis-measuring contest. The two middle-aged men had been binge drinking when they pulled out their members and a measuring tape to settle an argument about whose was the longest. The smaller man, then in a rage, sliced off his friend’s member. So much for friendship!   TEXAS: It’s not news when dog bites man… Recently a man high on marijuana called police to report that he had been shot in the buttocks – only to learn that his dog had bit him according to a police report. The man had been smoking marijuana on his porch
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Weird Criminal Law Stories: # 432: Deadly Weapon Babby

FLORIDA: Assault with a deadly weapon: baby??  Police report that during the Fourth of July weekend 2016, an 18 year old mother was charged with using her infant son as a deadly weapon to bludgeon her boyfriend at Daytona Beach. Daytona Beach police arrested Tatyana Allen of Ocoee, Florida for swinging the baby “like a bat” during a fight at the beach. The police report indicates that the 6-month-old baby boy was taken to a local hospital where it appeared that he was doing fine. OUCH !!!   NORTH CAROLINA:  Sounds like James also Got Fingered. A father was pulled over for a broken tail light while driving his daughter to school, and it turned out he had an open
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 431: Bacon Flavored Bloody Mary Mix?

OKLAHOMA: Bacon flavored Bloody Mary Mix bust? A bartender was arrested for infusing vodka with bacon – infuriating his boss, who alleges that he will take the police to court over this. Police contend that soaking the meat in alcohol violates state liquor-production laws. However, the bar owner stands by his special Bloody Mary blend.   OREGON: The headline suggested that “A getaway car would be more useful than a getaway tree.” It has been reported that a 28-year-old man stole $1,373 from a credit union in Bend and then used some of the money to buy a Christmas tree. When police caught up to him, he was trying to hide behind the tree. Of course, it didn’t work. Brett
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 430: Wobbles the Gunrunner

NEW YORK CITY: “Woes of the fat felon…” William “Wobbles” Soler, a 500-pound accused gunrunner, was back in court recently but had major problems fitting into the courthouse elevators and, even briefly shutting down a courtroom because of his size. Wobbles and his extra-wide wheelchair could not fit into the inmate-transport elevators of the courthouse, so he was hoisted by way of the freight elevator to his 15th scheduled Bronx court appearance for allegedly leading a crew that sold 93 guns to undercover police officers. Once in the courtroom Wobbles had to remain on the audience side of the courtroom. Why? His wheelchair was too wide to reach the defense table. When it was time for him to confer with
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P15-(2)Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked several years with a large law firm. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. First serving as a diplomat with the State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice. He has done on-air radio and TV legal analysis work for Fox News, CNN, Court TV and BET TV News. Currently, Professor Birdsong is occasionally invited to appear as a legal commentator on Fox Radio News, CBS Radio and MSNBC.

Aside from writing scholarly papers on law and humor books on criminal law, Professor Birdsong loves to play piano, cycle, swim and every other year, he enjoys walking the streets of Paris with his lovely wife.

Although he has been involved in serious criminal law work over the years as a prosecutor, a defense attorney, and a law professor, Professor Birdsong knows that it is good to stayed grounded. This means often taking time to look at the many funny and weird criminal law stories that crop up around the United States and the world. He believes we should not always take criminal law so seriously and instead, just have a good laugh at some of the silly foibles of dumb criminals and their crimes. That is why several years ago he began to collect and edit from the wire services and news the type of weird and funny criminal law stories that appear in this volume.

Professor Birdsong hopes that you will get a few good laughs or at least, some chuckles from his collection of weird criminal law stories and his “snarky” commentary accompanying each of them.

View Birdsong’s Collection of books