Professor Birdsong

Weird Criminal Law Stories #518: Yum Yum Sauce?

FLORIDA: Yum Yum sauce? It has been reported that a former Florida restaurant worker was sentenced to seven years in prison for putting deadly plumber’s lye into Yum Yum sauce at a Japanese restaurant in the town of Lakeland. Margarito Padilla, 54, acknowledged tainting the sauce because he was unhappy about the working conditions at the eatery. There will be no Yum Yum sauce for his prison meals.   FLORIDA: KA-BOOM – NOT! Thrift store workers recently made an explosive find among the donations left at in a charity bin – a grenade launcher loaded with a live grenade. The Goodwill Manasota Bargain Barn employees immediately called the police who deactivated the weapon. Police say they are trying to find
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 517: Ire and Fire

FLORIDA: Ire and fire.  A Christian school is drawing fire because two of its upcoming charity golf-events raffle prizes are rifles. Trinitas Christian Academy in Pensacola listed the prizes in January 2018. The school has not yet answered parent complaints in February that this would be inappropriate after the massacre February 14, 2018, of 17 students and faculty in Parkland High School, also in Florida.   GEORGIA: Pure animal cruelty? A man was arrested recently for allegedly force-feeding a goat cocaine and whiskey. Sergio Guzman, a 28-year-old horse trainer, was caught on camera holding the goat’s horns while a pal shoved drug in its nostrils at a ranch in Gwinnett County, police said. We learn that the goat was taken
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 516: Deep doggy doo

CHINA: The headline read, “Rapper in deep ‘doggy’ doo.” A Chinese rapper has been detained in Malaysia over complaints that a music video he filmed there featuring dancers wearing dog masks and simulating “doggy-style” sex insulted Islam and could hurt “racial unity and harmony.” It is the second time Wee Meng Chee, who raps under the name Namewee, has been investigated for his music videos. Police said they received a number of complaints about the “Like a Dog” video which celebrates the Chinese year of the dog.   CONNECTICUT: The headline read, “Fiery ER drive-thru.” A driver intentionally crashed into a hospital emergency room with a car that burst into flames in February 2018, authorities report. The driver had multiple
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 515: The smell wasn’t jet fumes

AUSTRIA: They were not jet fumes! A commercial flight had to make an emergency landing in Austria when a fight broke out over a man who reportedly wouldn’t stop loudly passing gas. The Transavia Airlines flight was en route from Dubai to Amsterdam when two fellow fliers asked the stinker to control himself. When he refused, angry words and then punches were exchanged. Amid the mayhem the flight alit in Austria.   TEXAS: There will be no second date! A woman allegedly damaged $300,000 worth of art, including two original Andy Warhol paintings, belonging to a lawyer on a first date. Lindy layman, 29, of Dallas was arrested on charges of criminal mischief for the destruction of Anthony Buzbee’s artwork.
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 514: Cap’n Punch Cereal!

ALABAMA: The headline read, “Cap’n Punch.” Police report that an Alabama man became so mad when his roommate left a box of Cap’n Crunch cereal open, he beat him up and was promptly sent to jail. Duane Smith, 52, of the town of Moundville, flipped out because he has no teeth and the breakfast food is more difficult to chew when it’s stale.   ALASKA: The headline read, “The robbery suspect was caught cold. We learn that a 34-year-old man who robbed a Taco Bell in Anchorage tried to evade police by burying his black coat in the snow nearby. However, police officers who found the coat simply followed the tracks in the snow until they found the suspect, by
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 513: Send in the elephants?

SRI LANKA: Send in the elephants? A stampede of elephants forced Sri Lankan police to flee from a stakeout. We learn that the police were spying on a suspected marijuana growing operation near a nature preserve when the pachyderms came running. “The officers dropped their weapons and fled to save their lives when the elephants charged,” police said in a statement. We wonder whether the marijuana growers had anything to do with siccing the elephants on the police?   CALIFORNIA: They deserve each other. Thieves broke open a mailbox and swiped a package – which was filled with 500 cockroaches.  Rosalinda Vizina, an entomologist from Seaside, said the roaches were for a study. “I hope they went everywhere,” she said.
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P15-(2)Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked several years with a large law firm. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. First serving as a diplomat with the State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice. He has done on-air radio and TV legal analysis work for Fox News, CNN, Court TV and BET TV News. Currently, Professor Birdsong is occasionally invited to appear as a legal commentator on Fox Radio News, CBS Radio and MSNBC.

Aside from writing scholarly papers on law and humor books on criminal law, Professor Birdsong loves to play piano, cycle, swim and every other year, he enjoys walking the streets of Paris with his lovely wife.

Although he has been involved in serious criminal law work over the years as a prosecutor, a defense attorney, and a law professor, Professor Birdsong knows that it is good to stayed grounded. This means often taking time to look at the many funny and weird criminal law stories that crop up around the United States and the world. He believes we should not always take criminal law so seriously and instead, just have a good laugh at some of the silly foibles of dumb criminals and their crimes. That is why several years ago he began to collect and edit from the wire services and news the type of weird and funny criminal law stories that appear in this volume.

Professor Birdsong hopes that you will get a few good laughs or at least, some chuckles from his collection of weird criminal law stories and his “snarky” commentary accompanying each of them.

View Birdsong’s Collection of books