Professor Birdsong

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 439:Chopstick Slaying

JAPAN: The headline read: “Son in chopstick slay.” A Japanese man was arrested after admitting to killing his elderly father with a chopstick. Michikazu Ikeuchi, 51, said he stabbed his 80-year-old father in the throat with the wooden utensil after a fight broke out in their Osaka home. Ikeuchi told police that he had tried to stop his parents from arguing and he did not intend to kill his father but said he was angry when he waved the chopstick in front of his father, and before he knew it, it got stuck in him. The chopstick was a foot long, used mostly for cooking. He called police immediately after the incident. No report on whether charges will be brought
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 437: All Florida Stories

FLORIDA: He typically mailed the letters. This time – bad news — he showed up in person. Orange County deputies say last Christmas, 2015, 69-year-old Jose Santana had sent 40 handwritten letters to his estranged wife of 45 years, threatening to hurt her and their family if she ever called the police. Nevertheless she decided to call at Christmas when he hand-delivered the letter to her door. He left the letter at her door and departed. In the letter, deputies say that Santana wrote that “he wanted to decapitate her and make history in Florida.” The letter further stated that “I want to hurt you so bad.” and indicated further still that he was not afraid of going to jail.
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 436: A Bridge too Far?

GERMANY: Sex at the top of the bridge! A German couple who took exhibitionism to new heights were arrested for indulging in sexual intercourse on top of a bridge. It appears that the lovers climbed hundreds of feet onto an arch of the Kaiserlei Bridge in Frankfurt, peeled of their clothes and proceeded to do the “humpy pumpy.” Police had to close the Autobahn to bring the couple down and arrest them for lewd public behavior.   CHINA: A Chinese driver reached for the stars and got his car towed. The young motorist, who has 27 tickets on his record, offered a tale from outer space when he was pulled over in Zhejiang province. “You have your regulations, but we
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 435: Nuns on the Run

COLORADO: Nuns on the run!! A man hopped a fence and for some reason chased a little old nun around a convent. The nun-chaser was but one of three rogues who have jumped over the six-foot fence at the Littleton Carmelite Order of Discalced Carmelite in the past year. We learn that the nuns have since asked the city for permission to build an eight-foot-high fence. Good luck!   GEORGIA: The questions is – “Where did he put the cocktail sauce?” A man allegedly purloined a bag of frozen shrimp by shoving it down the front of his pants. Unfortunately, his pants gave off a distinctive crunching sound as he was leaving the Dollar General store in Albany. The man
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 434: China’s Forbidden Fruit

CHINA: They term it China’s “forbidden fruit.” It has been reported that officials have banned videos in China of attractive people eating bananas. Web firms have been forced to crack down on users, often beautiful women, who stream videos of themselves chowing down on what is considered the “phallic fruit.” Government officials started cracking down on such videos in May 2016, declaring a war against “inappropriate and erotic” web content.   BRAZIL: Ha, ha – some joke… A man was arrested for trying to extinguish the Olympic torch by throwing a bucket of water over it as it passed through the farming town of Maracaju in Brazil in late June 2016. Police arrested the 27-year-old-man at the scene for damaging
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Weird Criminal Law Stories # 433: Penis–Measuring Contest Gone Wrong!

RUSSIA:  The headline read: “Small wonder, “I’d add – OUCH! A Russian man lopped off his best friend’s penis with an axe after their penis-measuring contest. The two middle-aged men had been binge drinking when they pulled out their members and a measuring tape to settle an argument about whose was the longest. The smaller man, then in a rage, sliced off his friend’s member. So much for friendship!   TEXAS: It’s not news when dog bites man… Recently a man high on marijuana called police to report that he had been shot in the buttocks – only to learn that his dog had bit him according to a police report. The man had been smoking marijuana on his porch
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P15-(2)Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked several years with a large law firm. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. First serving as a diplomat with the State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice. He has done on-air radio and TV legal analysis work for Fox News, CNN, Court TV and BET TV News. Currently, Professor Birdsong is occasionally invited to appear as a legal commentator on Fox Radio News, CBS Radio and MSNBC.

Aside from writing scholarly papers on law and humor books on criminal law, Professor Birdsong loves to play piano, cycle, swim and every other year, he enjoys walking the streets of Paris with his lovely wife.

Although he has been involved in serious criminal law work over the years as a prosecutor, a defense attorney, and a law professor, Professor Birdsong knows that it is good to stayed grounded. This means often taking time to look at the many funny and weird criminal law stories that crop up around the United States and the world. He believes we should not always take criminal law so seriously and instead, just have a good laugh at some of the silly foibles of dumb criminals and their crimes. That is why several years ago he began to collect and edit from the wire services and news the type of weird and funny criminal law stories that appear in this volume.

Professor Birdsong hopes that you will get a few good laughs or at least, some chuckles from his collection of weird criminal law stories and his “snarky” commentary accompanying each of them.

View Birdsong’s Collection of books