Professor Birdsong

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 415: Paving His Highway to Heaven

MISSOURI: Perhaps he was really paving his highway to heaven. A man apologized for building a patio out of the gravestones of dead war veterans. The unidentified homeowner in Ozark County said he got the gravestones from a nearby landfill after they were abandoned by a local monument maker. “I was just making something out of nothing. Ninety percent of them are broken. They were never in a cemetery,” he said, adding that he plans to dismantle the patio.


FLORIDA: CHOMP! A 32-year-old man was arrested and charged with aggravated battery in august after authorities said he bit off the tip of a woman’s middle finger after she waved it in his face during (more…)

Posted in Criminal Law, Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 414: Dead Wrong

FLORIDA: It appears he was dead wrong.  A Miami man was arrested for stealing a corpse from a casket. Pedro Gonzalez, 39, faces burglary charges after he allegedly broke into the Charlotte Jane Memorial Park Cemetery in Coconut Grove last year, yanked open a coffin and took the remains inside, said police. No knows why Gonzalez wanted the corpse.


IOWA: He was a real fraud, but the sentence is real! We learn that Eddie Tipton, a former Iowa lottery official, was sentenced to ten years in prison for rigging a computerized game in 2010 in an attempt to win a $14 million jackpot. Mr. Tipton, 52, never received any money, and a jury convicted him in 2015 on two counts of fraud. He was also accused of trying to get friends to cash the prize for him without revealing his identity.


PENNSYLVANIA: He would have been better off if he had used a black beard. Chris Furay was captured on video robbing six Pittsburgh-area banks. It has been revealed that (more…)

Posted in Criminal Law, Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 413: Say it ain’t so Huck!

NEW HAMPSHIRE: Say it ain’t so Huck… A man named Huckleberry Finn followed a woman into her home and sexually assaulted her, police say. Finn, 36, allegedly assaulted the woman in the town of Keene. The Mark Twain character’s namesake was arrested shortly after the assault was reported to police. Huck was charged with sexual assault and is being held in jail in lieu of $25,000 bail.


ILLINOIS: The headline read: “His getaway car got away.” Che Hearn, 25, who lives in the town of Zion, has been nicknamed the “unlucky thief” after his car was repossessed during an alleged theft. A repo man towed Hearn’s car while he was allegedly stealing electronics from a Walmart in Round Lake Beach, police report. We learn further that Hearn ditched the stolen goods when confronted by a store employee. He was later found walking on the side of the road and arrested.


ILLINOIS: Why the beef??? An impatient Wendy’s drive-thru customer in Chicago was so hungry that he opened fire on (more…)

Posted in Criminal Law, Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 412: Me Tarzan – You Jane

CALIFORNIA: Me Tarzan – You Jane… A man who claimed to be Tarzan was arrested after he climbed a tree and tried to get into a zoo’s monkey exhibit, authorities said. The shirtless man plastered in mud had climbed about 20 feet into tree at the bird exhibit at Santa Ana Zoo. He was apparently high on meth police said when they arrested him.

CONNECTICUT: Nope – no good deed goes unpunished. A man is accused of kidnapping and feeding a man he thought was homeless. David Pope was arrested after he tried to take a 77-year-old man he had seen in Danbury pushing a cart of cans and bottles. Despite refusing his advances, Pope grabbed the man by the arm and forced him back to his house. After being fed by Pope and bit by a pit bull, the man escaped and called police.

DELAWARE: It is apparent that this lady wants to hold on to her youth… Former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader Molly Shattuck was sentenced to two years of probation after pleading guilty to raping a 15-year-old boy at a vacation home in Delaware. Shattuck, 48, collapsed to her knees (more…)

Posted in Criminal Law, Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 411: Good Old England!

ENGLAND: She must have not been much of a girlfriend! A man was arrested for having sex with his girlfriend’s dog after she discovered a cell phone video of him doing the deed with the dog. The 19-year-old perv admitted to having sex with the bull terrier after the girlfriend took his phone to the police station and showed the footage. Upon his arrest police found him in possession of marijuana.


ENGLAND: The headline read: “This puppy should be in the doghouse.” Zeus a 6-month-old British greyhound blew up his owner’s house by chewing through a deodorant can. The can leaked flammable fumes near a hot water heater, which exploded when the boiler came on. No one was hurt. Kerry Leach, the puppy’s owner, was forgiving saying, “he’s just a pup that will chew through anything.”


ENGLAND: Fracking Nitwits, yes? A pair of anti-fracking protesters in England thought they would strike a blow for their cause by gluing themselves to a gas pump at a station (more…)

Posted in Criminal Law, Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Weird Criminal Law Stories # 410: No Wiz in NYC…

NEW YORK: The headline read: “The suspect was no wiz.” It has been reported that a Brooklyn man police suspected of public urination was a 26-year-old who shot himself in the groin as he tried to hide his handgun from officers who thought he was relieving himself. Patrol officers spotted Javier Thomas at 1:00 am near a street corner with his back to them. Believing he was reliving himself the officers approached. However, Thomas was actually re-positioning his loaded Glock 19 he was carrying. Upon seeing the officers he tried to yank the gun from his trousers and in his haste he accidently pulled the trigger. The maimed Thomas tried to limp away from the scene but was caught by the police. They recovered the gun and Thomas has been charged with reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon.


NEW YORK: Dying for a smoke? Last year a Staten Island smoker with an oxygen tank lit up a smoke last January and wound up burning himself to (more…)

Posted in Weird Criminal Law Stories | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

P15-(2)Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked several years with a large law firm. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. First serving as a diplomat with the State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice. He has done on-air radio and TV legal analysis work for Fox News, CNN, Court TV and BET TV News. Currently, Professor Birdsong is occasionally invited to appear as a legal commentator on Fox Radio News, CBS Radio and MSNBC.

Aside from writing scholarly papers on law and humor books on criminal law, Professor Birdsong loves to play piano, cycle, swim and every other year, he enjoys walking the streets of Paris with his lovely wife.

Although he has been involved in serious criminal law work over the years as a prosecutor, a defense attorney, and a law professor, Professor Birdsong knows that it is good to stayed grounded. This means often taking time to look at the many funny and weird criminal law stories that crop up around the United States and the world. He believes we should not always take criminal law so seriously and instead, just have a good laugh at some of the silly foibles of dumb criminals and their crimes. That is why several years ago he began to collect and edit from the wire services and news the type of weird and funny criminal law stories that appear in this volume.

Professor Birdsong hopes that you will get a few good laughs or at least, some chuckles from his collection of weird criminal law stories and his “snarky” commentary accompanying each of them.

View Birdsong’s Collection of books