GERMANY: A lawyer’s well-endowed lover allegedly tried to kill him with her breasts. German attorney Tim Schmidt’s jealous girlfriend tried to smother him with her size 38DD bosoms because she said she wanted to make his death “as pleasant as possible,” authorities say. She’s been charged with attempted murder.
SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST GIVEN HIM A BUST IN THE MOUTH…YUK, YUK..
CONNECTICUT: A carjacker forced a motorist from his car by beating him with a pillow. Richard Parker allegedly “fluff-smacked” the victim until the fellow dropped his keys and got out We learn that the pillow pounder made off with the man’s 2002 Toyota, but was soon arrested.
BOY, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN ONE TOUGH PILLOW!
NEW YORK: Syracuse police say Arthur Brundrage walked into a bank and demanded $20,000. The teller passed him some cash and he left. But then he counted the money and decided he had been short-changed, and returned for the rest. Police were still on the scene and Brundrage was promptly identified and arrested.
WHAT AN IDIOT!
AUSTRIA: A judge in Vienna ruled that crime can pay. The manager of a Vienna bank stole gold bars and $240,000 some 19 years ago. By the time police caught him, only the gold and $82,000 was left. The gold went to the bank’s insurance company, but the cash remained with the country’s Justice Ministry, which recently decided to get rid of it. The bank said its insurer had covered the loss, and the insurance company said it did not want the money because the gold had increased in value and covered its loss. So the judge said the thief could have it. “To say he was surprised was an understatement,” said his lawyer.
HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN! WHOO HOO…
