FLORIDA: Balls? A man high on drugs had the “balls” to threaten his neighbors with a gun – because his testicles were hurting, police said. The 32-year-old man from the town of Westville allegedly lashed out at fellow residents because he believed they were to blame for “parasites” living in his gonads.
CALIFORNIA: The real meaning of the “mile high club,” read the headline. We learn that a Southwest Airlines passenger reportedly lit up a joint in the bathroom of a San Francisco to LA flight. When the smoke set off a fire alarm in late May, the plane was diverted to San Jose. Authorities said the passenger was turned over to law enforcement.
CANADA: WHY? Bandits stole an ape, a lemur, and a tortoise from a Canadian zoo. The crooks cut through a parking lot fence at the Elmvale Jungle Zoo in Ontario to swipe the baby gibbon named Agnes, the lemur named JC, and a tortoise named Stanley. A $10,000 reward is being offered for information leading to the animals’ return.
CANADA: Pie-eyed? Police in Elgin, Ontario, responding to a 911 call arrived at a restaurant to find a 32-year-old woman enraged over what she said was the too-slow preparation of her pizza order. Police instructed her to dial 911 only in a real emergency. There was no word if she got her pizza.
COLORADO: Hair today, gone tomorrow. A burglar was arrested for breaking into a barber shop and giving himself a haircut while naked., police report. Jeffrey Palmer, 30 allegedly climbed into Great Clips in Boulder through a window and peeled off his clothes. Two police officers entered with guns drawn – and found Palmer in his birthday suit. He was arrested on charges of second-degree burglary, felony criminal mischief and second-degree criminal tampering.