Weird Criminal Law Stories # 557: Shorty Alert!

UNITED KINGDOM: Shorty alert! British police raced to a notorious sex club when a caller reported seeing a child enter – only to learn the “child” was actually just a very short woman. Police searched ClubF in the village of Stanley, which bills itself as “Britain’s friendliest swinging spot,” and learned it was a false alarm. A manager said the call likely came from a nosey neighbor.

UNITED KINGDOM: They called him a flippin’ idiot. Timothy Hill, 67, a British driver, beat speeding tickets by using an illegal laser jammer. And he would have gotten away with it if he hadn’t flipped the bird at the traffic camera each day. “If you want to attract our attention, repeatedly gesturing at the police camera vans with your middle finger” is how, authorities said as Hill was sentenced to eight months in jail for using the laser jammer.

TEXAS: Will their judgement day be in court? A Texas couple was talking about the “end times and wrath of God when they walked naked from their burning home in the town of Southmayd, officials said. When a police officer tried to stop Michael and Shannon Ouellette, they attacked him and were arrested, police say.

FLORIDA: Dopey Meth head? We learn that Douglas Kelly, 49, of the town of Hawthorne, thought he had been sold a bad batch of crystal meth. So, what did he do about it. He called the police to press charges against the dealer. Of course, deputies invited Kelly to bring in the meth to be tested. He did so and was promptly arrested for drug possession.

FLORIDA: Plain monkey business? We learn that a monkey on a leash escaped from its owner and went “ape” on a Home Depot employee. An unidentified woman left her pet spider monkey inside a truck while she shopped in Okeechobee – but it escaped and hopped onto a female worker’s back, biting her and scratching her face. Wildlife authorities are investigating the case.

FLORIDA: More Monkey business… An alleged car thief was taken into custody – with his pet monkey clinging to his chest. The capuchin monkey, Monk, was filmed clutching his owner, Cody Hession, as police hauled away the suspect in handcuffs. Hession is accused of stealing a car in St. Petersburg and crashing it into a ditch in the nearby town of Holiday.

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