Grand Junction, CO: A marijuana smoking 34 year old parolee in Grand Junction Colorado, now faces criminal charges for allegedly offering a $300 bribe to a state worker to allow him to pass a drug test. Police said the state worker saw Chad Thomas using a penis-shaped cheating device called a “Whizzinator” attached to his private parts. When the bribe did not work, Thomas claimed he had a legal medical marijuana card. That did not work either — he is now locked up again.
A “Whizzinator?” What next!
San Diego, CA: The FBI definitely wants this senior citizen to quit his day job and retire, preferably into their custody. A 70 something San Diego bank robber dubbed “The Geezer” has stuck up six branches. He most recently scribbled a demand note and flashed a handgun at a teller at the San Diego National Bank in Point Loma, police said.
There’s no geezer like a bank robbing geezer!
Miami, FL: Employees failed to secure the doors of a downtown nightclub. About an hour after the business had closed, a black stretch limousine pulled up to the establishment and eight people entered the club. They proceeded to enjoy themselves. They drank liquor and partied through the night. A gold cart belonging to the business was driven around the large club, and several tables were knocked over in the process. All this was captured on video, including clear shots of two of the suspects. Save for the liquor, nothing was stolen. No arrests have been made.
Yeah, sounds like this was an inside job…
Clarksville, TN: A man in Clarksville was so scared of his stingy wife, he did not have the stomach to admit he had given $5 to a homeless man. So he told her he had been robbed — and to make his story more convincing reported it to the cops. They, of course, charged him with filing a false report, and now he has to pony up $1,000 for bail.
Numb-skull!
