Florida: The headline read: “This Florida woman had a beef with WalMart.” Arlene Kahn bought ground beef there and was shocked to find two prescription sleeping pills in the meat as she started preparing beef Stroganoff. She called police, who said there was no crime and they could do nothing to help her. However, the WalMart store gave her a $40 gift certificate.
…had a beef with WalMart, yuk, yuk,yuk…
Collier City, FL: Rev. T.J. McCormick, leader of the Coastal Community Church, lived 50 feet above the ground, atop a mechanical crane,vowing not to come down until 1,000 backpacks with school supplies were donated to the children of Collier City. In three days locals filled the 1,000 backpacks and McCormick came down.
How did he go to the bathroom for those three days?
Ormond Beach, FL: In late August, 2010, a man on a motorcycle pulled into a drive through lane at a Bank America branch in mid afternoon in Ormond Beach. The motocyclist sent a small package with a note on it through the teller chute. The note indicated that the package was a bomb and the man wanted money. When the teller backed away from the counter and did not comply with the robbery attempt, the cyclist drove away. The package turned out to be a small tool kit wrapped in brown paper. Police are searching for the motorcyclist.
NO KA-BOOM! WHAT A DIMWIT!
Fort Pierce, FL: Erick Lee Blanton, 25, asked a man in Fort Pierce to arm wrestle. Blanton lost. The winner then told police that Blanton became upset, got into his pickup truck, drove it across the lawn and ran over a mailbox. Witnesses also told authorities that Blanton pointed a rifle at his opponent. Blanton was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault with a motor vehicle.
Those are heavy aggravated charges for losing a silly arm wrestling contest. Booze must have surely been involved.
Jacksonville, FL: It was reported that a Jacksonville man recently decided to take lunchtime bath in fountain in Jacksonville’s Memorial Park. Citizens complained that Wilbert Snead, 61, was also raising a ruckus. A police officer saw Snead shirtless, wet, and covered with soap. His clothes were seen floating in the fountain. A large knife was found in a bag allegedly owned by Snead. When Snead began stomping crayons into the pavement he was arrested with disturbing the peace.
What a nut job!
Siesta Key, FL: Matthew Proudfit, 22, tried to use his law enforcement credentials to prevent Siesta Key police from arresting his friends. But, there was a problem. Proudfit showed police a pocketknife with the words “Law Enforcement” stenciled on it and his application to the Cape Coral, Florida Police Department. The Orlando Sentinel reported that he is actually a shelf stocker at a Publix Grocery store. Police report that they confronted three drunken men outside a oyster bar. Proudfit intervened and offered to take the men home. Unfortunately, he was arrested and charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer.
He is too dumb to be a police…
