More Weird Florida Criminal Law Stories

Pascoe County, FL: It has been reported that a 48 year old man parked his car in front of the Pascoe County courthouse, pulled down his pants in front of a Pascoe County sheriff’s deputy and began to masturbate.  Richard Garcia was charged with indecent exposure. Garcia claimed he was just applying hemorrhoid cream.

It is obvious that Garcia misses being in the “joint” and figured this stunt would get him back there, pronto.  It did.

Charleroi, FL: Kurt Fritzel robbed a bank in Charleroi but was quickly apprehended and arrested.  Why? A smart bank teller slipped a red dye pack in with the stolen money. The dye pack exploded and left Fritzel with incriminating scarlett marks all over him.  The explosion also created a red cloud that led police straight to his nearby house, before it dissipated.

A “red cloud?” Is that anything like a “red tide?”

Sanford, FL: We have recently learned that customers who purchase a used vehicle at Nations Trucks in Sanford, get a $400 voucher good at a local gun store. We learn further that buyers must comply with all local, state and federal laws before receiving their weapons.

Too much of a stereotype.  Florida, trucks and guns…

DeFuniak Springs, FL: Gary O’Don Newell locked himself in a backyard shed to get away from his pregnant wife.  He was then arrested for allegedly threatening to assault her by throwing urine on her after she blew cigarette smoke into the shed to force him out.

Somehow, we do not think this marriage is going to last!

Hillsborough County, FL:  A Hillsborough County sheriff ‘s deputy is being investigated regarding photographs of her in a police car smoking what  appears to to be marijuna  joint and posing with a gun in her mouth.  The images of the deputy, Lisa Latimer, were posted on Facebook by her estranged husband, Todd, who says he was only trying to expose the the sheriff’s department’s undisciplined work environment.

Yeah, right!  Sure sounds like pay back for her leaving him… Loser….

Gainesville, FL: Listen to this one.  A judge in Gainesville declined a man’s request for restraining orders against President Obama, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow and Jesus Christ. John Gilliand maintained in his court papers that all three of these people were flashing gang signs at him.  After the judge denied his request he filed a new request seeking only to restrain President Obama and Tim Tebow.

Gilliand really needs help. Maybe if he wore aluminium foil on his head they would stop flashing gang signs at him.

Orange County, FL:  Veteran’s Day weekend, 2010, the Orange County Sheriff’s department became a national laughingstock when it was reported that that sheriff deputies and  members of the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation carried out a series of warrant-less raids against local Orlando barbershops that made history for arresting 35 people on misdemeanor charges of “barbering without a license,” after having spent several months investigating the matter. A records check revealed that in the last ten years only three people in the entire state of Florida went to jail on such charges. In the instant cases, many of the warrant-less sweeps entailed officers swarming the barbershops that had children inside and putting the barbers in handcuffs and “perp walking” them to police vehicles. We learn that one felony arrest was made when one of the raids netted a barber with an unlicensed handgun. We learn further that all the barbershops were in the African American and Hispanic community.

Yes, yes, of course, those neighborhoods are hotbeds of  “criminal barbering!”

Lake City, FL: A man was caught stealing beef jerky and a case of beer from a Walmart at 6 am in Lake City during November, 2010, according to police authorities.  Upon his arrest Kevin Robert LeBlanc gave police a false name.  After he was fingerprinted at the county jail, authorities learned that he was wanted in New Hampshire for prison breach.  Mr. LeBlanc walked away from a halfway house in December 2009, and never returned.  The irony is, he would have been eligible for parole in three weeks. The U.S. Marshal’s office reports that LeBlanc is a convicted sex offender.

Why do they all end up in Florida????

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