Weird Criminal Law Stories # 475: Weirdo!

UTAH: Weirdo…. A man sued the state of Utah for the right to “marry” his laptop computer. Chris Sevier claims that if same-sex marriage is Constitutional he should be allowed to marry his computer. In response to the suit Assistant Attorney General David Wolf wrote: “Simply put, marrying a laptop computer or multiple partners are not rights protected by the Constitution.


WASHINGTON: High on Glade? A Seattle motorist who went berserk after rear-ending a police car said he was high – on Glade air-freshener fumes, police said. The man, questioned near Sea-Tac International Airport, reportedly snatched his passport from investigators. He also defied commands, stripped and when asked if he had been huffing a can of Glade found in his pocket, police said he replied: “Oh yeah a lot.”


WASHINGTON: A flaming failure! Burglars using a blow torch broke into an ATM at Coastal Community Bank, in Everett in early June police said. Only one problem: they burned up all the cash inside the ATM and fled empty handed.


CALIFORNIA: It really wasn’t a coke machine….but! We learn that a 25-cent putty-ball toy a Bell Gardens restaurant dispensed to a child contained a white powder that tested positive as cocaine. Alerted, police seized 17 other toys from the same machine at Taqueria Los Altos that combined, held 136 grams of cocaine worth $10,000, according to police. We learned further that the child did not ingest the drug and was fine.


CALIFORNIA: Big snore idiots? Two burglars broke into a northern California high school and were about to steal TV’s and computers – but fell asleep, police said. The suspects got cozy inside Chana HS, heating up a frozen pizza in a classroom before dozing off. A school worker found them early the next morning and called police


WASHINGTON: You want “coke” with that pizza? Two Papa John’s workers made extra “dough” by selling cocaine out of pizza boxes in the town of Sammamish, according to a police report. The unidentified employees sold the drug four times to undercover detectives using the code, “Give me extra olives.” Police alleged that the workers were caught with $28,000 in cash, along with cocaine, ecstasy and LSD.



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