Weird Criminal Law Stories # 544: Hey, where’s the beef?

MISSOURI: Hey? Where’s the beef?  A thief has been swiping cuts of meat from St. Louis restaurants. We learn that the beef bandit has already hit two area eateries since January 2018, including the Salt+Smoke BBQ twice. At the barbecue restaurant, the bandit stole the meat right out of a smoker. Police describe the man as a 6-ffot-tall man in his 40’s with a brown mustache and beard.

MISSOURI: Naked ATV chase? A man led police on a high-speed freeway chase while riding an ATV on the wrong side of the road – he was also naked. The unidentified joyrider was first spotted zipping around a residential neighborhood near Kansas City on the yellow four-wheeler. When police attempted to arrest him, he made a break for I-435 – but crashed and went flying in his birthday suit. He was quickly taken into custody and arrested for a reckless driving.

NEW YORK CITY: Tweet, tweet… A Guyanese national was recently detained and deported by U.S. Customs at JFK Airport after he tried to smuggle 20 live finches held in enclosed tubes in his luggage. The birds were seized, and the man was issued a $300 fine and was immediately deported back to Guyana. Authorities believe the man was attempting to smuggle the birds to the U.S. to be used in bird singing competitions that are popular in Guyana.

NEW YORK: She picked the wrong drive thru window. Lizabeth Ildefonso, 44, was jailed when she tried to order a breakfast sandwich from a security booth at a Long Island jail. Ms. Ildefonso requested a “bacon, egg, and cheese” from a deputy at the Riverhead Correctional Facility, according to police. The deputy explained it wasn’t a drive-thru, then allegedly noticed white powder under her nose. She was charged with driving while impaired.

NORTH CAROLINA: Jesus calls 911? In mid-March Richard Quintero, 46, allegedly broke into a High Point Pizza Hut and stuffed his face with several slices of pizza and Mountain Dew. He then called 911 and claimed to be the son of God. “Yes, this is Jesus Christ and I just broke into the Pizza Hut.” Quintero reportedly said. “Jesus is here now. He’s back to earth.” Police quickly arrived and arrest him for burglary.

OREGON:  This was a real contempt of court. A judge did $3,000 worth of damage to her own courtroom when she got locked inside and tried to bust out using a bench. Susie Norby damaged marble work that framed the courtroom exit and was finally freed when a passing guard realized she was trapped. We learn that the county is paying for the repairs.

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