INDIA: OUCH! A woman became so enraged at her lover for planning to marry someone else that she cut off his penis. The 26-year-old man, known as Irshad met up with his girlfriend one last time in the town of Kattipuram. However, when she learned he had agreed to an arranged marriage with another woman she flew into a fit of rage and chopped off his member with a knife. There is no information about her arrest. And we do not know whether the penis was surgically reattached.
MICHIGAN: Anyone for a cookie? A Subway shop manager was arrested for running an elaborate marijuana selling operation out of a shop in Highland Park. The manager allegedly sold the weed alongside sandwiches and soda to customers who asked for a cookie. When police confronted the man, he tried to throw away a trash bag stuffed with marijuana and $5,000, authorities report.
NEW MEXICO: Yep, truth in advertising. Police and FBI agents broke into a meth, heroin and cocaine ring allegedly run out of a mechanic shop called “Get Your Fix Automotive” in Pueblo. Undercover agents bought drugs and guns from the shop owner Daniel Vasquez, 30, police allege.
NORTH CAROLINA: What a dummy! Teon Douglas, 21, believed he had found a safe place to stash his weed — in some weeds. Teon was outside of the courthouse in the town of Sanford waiting for his hearing on a probation violation when he decided that it would foolish to bring his stash with him into the courthouse. So, he tried to bury it in some bushes outside the courthouse, but police officers spotted what he was doing and arrested him.
OKLAHOMA: Shafted by the penal system? We learn that Dustin Lance, 32, avers in a $5 million lawsuit that he suffered permanent injury from a 91-hour erection in December 2016, after staff at the Pittsburgh County Jail ignored his pleas for medical care and made fun of him.
PENNSYLVANIA & FLORIDA: The following are two stories about loopy politicians: The first is about a Pennsylvania mayoral candidate who advocates enlisting drug-sniffing bunnies to help catch drug dealers. Dave Gautreau, who is running for mayor in Lancaster, says law enforcement should hop on board with the technique because rabbits are cheaper than dogs.
The second story is from Florida where a congressional candidate from Miami says she was kidnapped by aliens and taken aboard a spaceship as a child. Bettina Aguilera, a 59-year-old Republican, said three extraterrestrials took her on a cosmic joyride when she was seven years old. She also claims that she still communicates with them telepathically now and then. WOW!
SRI LANKA: Suspicious movements? A Sri Lankan man was arrested trying to smuggle more than two pounds of gold through airport security in his rectum. The 45-year-old was headed to India via the Bandaranaike International Airport, when he was caught with the gold up his rear end. Custom agents said they were tipped off by the man’s “suspicious movements.”
