Weird Criminal Law Stories # 536: Kingpin Granny?

TENNESSEE: They dubbed her the “Kingpin Granny.” We learn that Betty Jean Jordan, 75, of the town of Parsons, was arrested in early-February of this year after peddling so much morphine and oxycodone police obtained an arrest warrant and found her home in her home that was stuffed with illegal drugs and cash. The search of her home pursuant to her arrest revealed 1,000 prescription pills – mainly opioids – and a wad of $12,000 in her possession. Ms. Jordan who uses a wheelchair didn’t go quietly when she was arrested. According to police, officers gave her a break by leaving the premises for some time for her to gather her belongings. When officers returned to take her to jail she had gone on the lam. She was apprehended the next day. Since her arrest prosecutors maintain she had been dealing drugs for 20 years.

TEXAS: The headline read, “His logic blows.” A man who was convicted of four DWIs tried to overturn his prison sentence by arguing Breathalyzer-centric laws discriminate against alcoholics. Ralph Frisenhahn, of San Antonio said the state’s 0.08 blood-alcohol limit is unfair to drunks because they have higher tolerances and can function normally on that much booze. Unfortunately, an Austin appeals court denied his case.

UNITED KINGDOM: The head read, “There’s constipation, and then there’s this inmate. It was reported that in February 2018 Lamarr Chambers somehow kept himself from defecating for 34 days, according to a British court. Chambers, 24, swallowed drugs during a police officer chase a month earlier and withheld the evidence for more than a month, prosecutors allege. Chambers claimed he was swallowing fried chicken, not dope.

UNITED KINGDOM: A follow-up to the constipation story! In follow-up the above story we learn on March 8, 2018, that the UK drug suspect ended up besting police by refusing, for 47 days, to do his doody. Lamarr Chambers, 24, was held in custody by police waiting for him to excrete the drugs they believed he has swallowed in February. When he didn’t for a record of 47 days – in a case dubbed “poo watch’ on social media – Essex Police said they released him “following medical and legal advice.”

VERMONT: What A stink! We learn that a Vermont man recently confessed to spraying liquid manure on a US Customs Border Protection cruiser last summer. Police allege that Mark Johnson, 53, vandalized the cruiser after he went on a rant about why not enough was being done to arrest immigrants in the country illegally.

VIRGINIA: If at first you don’t succeed… A heroin dealer is accused of slipping into an Alexandria hospital to make a sale to a patient who then suffered a second near fatal overdose in two days. Police said Michael Filipowicz, 25, signed into the hospital as a visitor to sell the dope to a 24-year-old man who had been admitted the day before after over-dosing.

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