FLORIDA: It all came out in the end. A jail inmate denied stealing another inmate’s cigarettes. However, a strip search by Crestview correctional officers revealed part of a blue latex glove protruding from the suspects buttocks. When officers found six Marlboro cigarettes with the filters removed inside the glove, the 18-year-old was charged with theft. He used the prison wallet…
ILLINOIS: The headline, He robbed a hot-dog stand then accidentally shot himself in the wiener. We learn that a clumsy Chicago bandit gave himself the “shaft” when he tried to stuff his handgun into his pocket, and it discharged hitting his genitals. Terrion Pouncy, 19, allegedly barged into the Original Maxwell Street Polish restaurant with a scarf over his face, whipped out a pistol and demanded cash. BANG!
GERMANY: Biggest sex-toy heist in history? It has recently been reported the thieves took $57,000 in kinky merchandise from a Berlin sex-trade show. Fun Toys London – which set up a booth at the Venus Exhibition – said workers realized they had been ripped off when they discovered that nine boxes of erotic toys had vanished. BZZZZZZZ…
CALIFORNIA: Low speed-chase? The police report that a “hillbilly” was arrested when he led police on a “very low speed-chase — on his tractor. When officers tried to pull over the man for driving erratically in Rancho Cordova, he hit the gas. However, during the 20-minute chase the bumpkin made it only one mile.
FRANCE: A government handout that is a real turn-on? It has been reported that the Mayor of Montereau, a 650-person French town near Paris, is giving away free Viagra to couples to encourage them to make babies. “A village without children is a village that dies,” said Mayor Jean Debouzy.
MISSISSIPPI: “Pol’s punch-drunk sex arrest,” read the headline. We learn that a state lawmaker punched his wife in the face and bloodied her nose after she didn’t undress quickly enough when he wanted to have sex, according to police. Republican state Rep. Doug McLeod of Lucedale was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of domestic violence in mid-May 2019.
