CONNECTICUT: “This guy took tree-hugging too far,” read the headline. A half-naked man was accused of passionately humping trees in a stranger’s backyard, according to police. John Fignar, 36, was screaming and eating branches while going to town on the trees outside a home in Naugatuck. When he spotted police he allegedly ran off – but was caught and charged with criminal trespassing.
JAPAN: Close encounter of third kind? A team of scientists at the University of Tokyo report that microscopic aliens from outer space have been traveling to Earth for centuries and spreading – “sparking life from other worlds. They contend that cosmic life-forms, such as bacteria can survive trips from Mars to Earth, were they find “suitable conditions” and multiply.
MICHIGHAN: Trump-“Spike” 2020! We learn that more than 400 military and overseas bae wrong ballots in this state had the wrong running mate for President Trump when they were downloaded from a state database. Instead of Vice President Mike Pence, the ballots listed Jeremy Cohen, the Libertarian Party vice president candidate, whose nickname is “Spike.”
NEW YORK CITY: This was a real antique! In mid-September it was reported that a 67-million-year-old Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton was put up for sale – and would be on display in Manhattan ahead of a Christie’s October 6 auction date. The 40-foot-long monster known as Stan is projected to fetch between $6 million and $8 million. Standing 13 feet tall with 11-inch serrated teeth, Stan is among the world’s largest and most complete T. Rex skeletons ever found.
OKLAHOMA: The headline read, Cover mas! Christopher Sale, 61, of Oklahoma City was arrested for going through a local Taco Bell drive-thru – and got indignant about it. When police showed up, he told them all of his clothes in the wash and “he didn’t know it was against the law to drive naked,” police said. Nonetheless Mr. Sale was charged with indecent exposure.
