GERMANY: A Shocking Crime Wave? We learn that a Munich man identified only as David G., 31 was sentenced to 11 years in prison in January 2020 for attempted murder in more than a dozen cases in which he tricked women into giving themselves electric shocks while he watched over the internet. Prosecutors said David contacted women online, claiming to be a doctor seeking paid volunteers for experiments of pain perception. He then convinced the women to attach a home-made device to an electric outlet and to their extremities while he watched. German judges concluded that 13 of the 88 cases constituted attempted murder because the defendant had told the women to hold the cables to their temples or feet, causing electricity to flow through their brains or hearts. MONSTER!
CALIFORNIA: Dumb crime down to a fine art. A thief who had his caricature drawn by an artist at the Festival of Lights in Riverside snatched $500 from the artist – but left behind his portrait, police said. We understand that the police are using the drawing to help find the suspect. It should not take long to find him.
CANADA: Forgettable… A winery worker was fired recently for accidentally directing $213,000 worth of wine down the drain. Brent Crozier was asked to transfer 1,200 gallons of Sauvignon Blanc from barrels into storage tanks at Mission Hill Winery in British Columbia. Unfortunately, Crozier forgot to switch a valve hose and the wine went into a wastewater drain.
MISSOURI: “He used the meats to lure the beefcake,” read the headline. A church leader allegedly tried to pay for sex on the gay hookup app Grindr – with an Arby’s card according to a police report. Using the handle “DILF,” Barry Poyner, 57, allegedly offered to pay for gas, clothes, and roast beef sandwiches for students at Truman State University in exchange for sexual favors. He was charged with patronizing prostitution. VERY PERVY
AUSTRALIA: Long overdue cold case arrest. We learn that a stock trader recently admitted to a “double life” in which he would have a few drinks at lunch and then go out and rob banks. Ross McCarty, now 70, pleaded guilty to four robbery charges tied to a string of robberies across Sydney in 1977 and 1978. He was charged in 2018 after detectives reopened the cold cases and used fingerprint analysis to track him down. Never late than never?
ISRAEL: Cookie Smuggler? A Puerto Rico businessman was arrested in mid-January 2020 for allegedly smuggling $260,000 inside boxes of Oreo cookies to avoid paying taxes, authorities said. Saeed Mahmoud Yahya was caught with stacks of $100 bills at Ben Gurion Airport in Lod and fined for failing to declare the “dough.” IDIOT.
