ILLINOIS: They say she’s off the hook in this hair-raising homicide! A woman who killed a man with the sharp end of a comb handle in a violent domestic dispute will not be charged, Kane County prosecutors determined. Their investigations found that the unarmed 19-year-old acted in self-defense last year when she stabbed Lamar House, 31 in the aorta with the handle of her 12-inch comb. OUCH!
NEW YORK: The NRA is truly alive and well. A Baptist Church in Troy, is trying to boost attendance by offering parishioners a chance to win a rifle. Grace Baptist Church, which hold raffles every year, sent out a flier declaring, “Win a free AR-15…my peace I give unto you. John 14:27.” The fine print noted all applicants will be subject to a federal background check.
KENTUCKY: Here’s a follow on to the previous story. What is it with Baptists, we wonder? A group of Baptists in Paducah is trying to lure converts to their religious denomination by raffling off scores of guns at special events for prospective members. Organizer Chuck McAlister admits this program is an “outreach to rednecks.” At one event, more than 500 men showed up hoping to get their hand on a holy rifle. We are certain that the NRA must be behind all of this…
IOWA: Gadzooks, there’s DUI and then there’s off the charts DUI! L. B. Carrier’s blood-alcohol level was declared too high to measure after he was pulled over for allegedly driving 55 in a 25-mph zone. Carrier, 28, reportedly first blew a .467 blood-alcohol level, nearly six times the legal limit. When surprised officers measured again, the Breathalyzer simply flashed the word “HI,” which put him above the machine’s measuring scale.
