WISCONSIN: The headline read: “The schlong and short of it.” A man arguing with his wife over watching Internet pornography threatened to shoot off his own penis, according to police. “If I’m not using it, I might as well shoot it off,” said Robert Ahorner, 57, of the town of East Troy. According to police. Ahorner went into another room, fired four shots from his handgun into a wall to scare his wife. The wife called police and he was promptly arrested for reckless use of a firearm.
UNITED KINGDOM: The headline read: “Justice for Bessy!” British police have launched a manhunt for a pervert seen “committing a sexual act” on a cow in Hertfordshire early one Saturday in May. Police are searching by helicopter and asking the public for leads.
VERMONT: This mother is in hock to her daughter, bigly. It has been reported by police that a 7-year-old girl in the town of Plainfield ran up huge credit card bills after her mother Jessica Lavoie, 28, obtained several charge cards using the child’s name. police have charged Lavoie with false impersonation.
WASHINGTON: His car was his castle! A Seattle homeless man has filed a lawsuit after police confiscated his car, which doubles as his home. The suit by the 57-year-old janitor Steven Long is considered a huge test case on how local law enforcement deals with homeless people who live in their cars.
ARIZONA: Here today gone tomorrow? The Arizona State Department of Health Services reports that its new-born screening program gathered addresses, birth dates, health insurance records, names, phone numbers and Social Security numbers for 2,500 babies. The information was boxed up – but the box somehow got lost in the mail. OOOPPS.
CANADA: Rubber Duckie? A giant rubber duck will now float in Toronto’s waterfront this summer –ruffling the feathers of many. The 6-story-high, $120,000 duck is “an absurd waste of taxpayers’ dollars,” said Rick Nichols, a member of the Ontario parliament, who also called the plan “an absolute cluster duck.”
