ILLINOIS: The headline, He robbed a hot-dog stand then accidently shot himself in the wiener. We learn that a clumsy Chicago bandit gave himself the “shaft” when he tried to stuff his handgun into his pocket and it discharged hitting his genitals. Terrion Pouncy, 19, allegedly barged into the Original Maxwell Street Polish restaurant with a scarf over his face, whipped out a pistol and demanded cash.
NEBRASKA: Unneigborly? A man was recently sentenced to four years in prison after he was convicted of repeatedly sending strippers to his neighbors’ door to dance and get naked. The women would bare their breasts and shout for payment from the family, which included two children. Douglas Goldsberry, 45, of Elkhorn sent them over 75 times since 2013 for his own perverse pleasure.
FLORIDA: Isn’t it easier to go to the liquor store? A man was arrested recently for making whiskey in an elaborate moonshine operation. John Ward, 52, allegedly made the bootleg liquor with corn, grinders and gas burners at his property in the town of Milton. State wildlife officers spotted a moonshine still, and officials later found several jugs of the hooch with dates written on them. Ward had paid no liquor tax on his moonshine.
OHIO: IDIOT! A would-be thief in Cincinnati warned a gas station clerk, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way” – but he apparently did not heed his own advice. Andrew Young, 52, allegedly waved a box cutter at the Speedway clerk, who immediately knocked him out. We learn Young appeared in court with a black eye and crutches
OKLAHOMA: ZOOM! A man live-streamed his high-speed car chase, and not all of his viewers were pleased. Brandon Hager bragged, “I’m in a high-speed chase, bro!” on Facebook Live as he led police through Oklahoma City, prompting his aunt Ashley Rodriquez to call him and beg him to stop. “I call him just to ask him to see, ‘Can you just stop? You’re making it worse.’” She said. Police captured Hager after he drove into a pond and attempted to run away from the scene.
