Weird Criminal Law # 600: Jesus Irony…

MINNESOTA: Jesus Irony? We learn that a runner wearing a “Jesus Saves” running bib to the Twin Cities Marathon in October 2019, collapsed during the race – and ended up being saved by a man named Jesus. Tyler Moon had a heart attack while running and fell, fractured the bones in his face and got a concussion. Nevertheless, he survived thanks to Jesus Bueno, a nurse who was running behind him and who administered CPR.

MISSOURI: “Sweet relief,” read the headline. We learn that a stolen 10-foot-long, 150-pound inflatable colon used to teach people about the dangers of colon cancer has been recovered. Kansas City police announced the find on Twitter, saying, “Thanks to a tip, officers found the giant, inflatable, pilfered intestine in a vacant house.” The colon bandit remains on the loose.

TENNESSEE: “It was raining woman,” read the headline. A half-naked woman twice fell through the ceiling of a Kingsport restaurant landing in the kitchen. On a Tuesday in early November 2018, Harley Morton, 26, allegedly feel through the ceiling of the Cookout restaurant, climbed on a table and scampered back into the area above the ceiling panels – and plummeted again. Police had no ready explanation for Morton’s antics. Also, no information on whether she was arrested.

TEXAS: KA-BOOM! We learn that a woman celebrated officially separating from her husband of 14 years by blowing up her wedding dress. Kimberly Santleben-Stiteler, 43, rigged explosives to the gown on her father’s farm in Lacoste after filing divorce papers. “It was closure,” she said, adding residents could hear the boom for miles around.

NEVADA: Something stuck in the backyard pool? A recent plea for assistance to remove something stuck in a Las Vegas pool wasn’t odd until the caller identified the stuck object: a U-Haul truck. “We kind of didn’t believe it,” said Jose Norea of Big Valley Towing who asked for “visual evidence.” The caller then sent a photo of the vehicle he had driven into his empty pool when he accidentally hit the gas pedal instead of the brake.

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