TEXAS: Death by feral hogs, OMG? During Thanksgiving week of 2019, we learn that a woman caring for an elderly couple was found dead outside their home in rural Texas early on Sunday after she was attacked by wild hogs, according to authorities. The fatal attack is one of the few deaths to occur as an explosion in the population of feral hogs, an invasive species, causes widely reported destruction around the U.S., and particularly in Texas.
UTAH: “Dancing nearly killed him,” read the headline. A 17-year-old boy shot himself in the leg when his gun accidentally discharged. Witnesses told police the shooting happened when the teen got out of a car and started dancing while intoxicated. He told police that his pistol had been in his sweatshirt pocket. IDIOT!
UNITED KINGDOM: The headline read, “They may already be in handcuffs. We learn that police are hunting for a troupe of bandits that snatched hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of kinky sex toys from a delivery truck in England. It appears that the driver was headed to “Rocks off,” which sells steamy treats in the city of Kettering, when he parked at a rest stop and later realized the truck had been stolen. Police say they are seeking help in tracking down the randy robbers.
WISCONSIN: Cheesed-off? We learn that a man became so mad about the lack of cheese on his Pizza Hut pie, he threatened a worker and was taken to jail. The 23-year-old flipped out and screamed at the employee for skimping on his extra cheese personal pizza in the town of Weston. After he threw the pizza in the trash, he was charged with disorderly conduct.
WISCONSIN: Ruffled feathers? Recently driver Ernesto Garcia, 42, was stopped by police after someone reported a bird in the car sitting on the driver’s shoulder. The car was swerving erratically, according to police. Mr. Garcia was charged with DWI and chicken abuse.
