Weird Criminal Law Stories # 625: Blasted His Beans & Frank?

INDIANA: “This adds insult to injury,” read the headline. We learn a man who shot himself in his genitals may face jail time because he didn’t have a license to carry the gun. Mark Jones, 46, was out for a morning stroll in Marion when the 9mm handgun, which was not in a holster, slipped out of his waistband, police said. The pistol-packer reached down to adjust his weapon and blasted his beans and frank.

FLORIDA: Loud snoring, no, no. A woman became so angry at her boyfriend’s snoring, she shot him with a shotgun, police say. Lorie Morin, 47, and her boyfriend had been drinking rum when they got into an argument over his snoring. She shot him in the armpit. He was hospitalized in stable condition, and she is facing an attempted murder rap.

LOUSIANA: “Licked” for stamp scam. We learn that a former New Orleans-area U.S. postal-office manager has admitted to stealing more than $630,000 in stamps and selling them, online to support his gambling addiction. Ryan Cortez, 46 pleaded guilty in February 2019, to misappropriation of postal funds, authorities said. The U.S. Postal Service began investigating Cortez when PayPal and eBay notified officials that he was selling “significant quantities” of stamps, according to court records.

NEW YORK CITY: Nazi Graffiti by a young punk! It has been reported that police found the suspect behind an anti-Semitic graffiti attack on a Queens school playground – and he is a 12-year-old. The youth was arrested by a Hate Crimes Task Force after a tip and was charged with aggravated harassment as a juvenile. Swastikas and slogans like “No Jews allowed” were found at PS 139 in Rego Park.

NORTH CAROLINA: Bad, bad mommy. A woman was arrested recently for allegedly impersonating her daughter during a court appearance. Uganda Spencer, 44, appeared at the Chatham, County Justice Center in Pittsboro and pretended she was her child, authorities said.  During processing, deputies discovered the woman’s true identity and arrested her on three outstanding warrants and a criminal summons under her own name.

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