PENNSYLVANIA: You can’t bring that thing on a plane! A passenger – identified only as being from St. Augustine, Florida – set off alarms in early March 2019, trying to fly from Allentown to Orlando. When stopped, the man said he thought that his unassembled grenade launcher would be legal if he had it in his checked suitcase and wasn’t in his carry on. Nope – No grenade launchers anywhere on a plane.
CANADA: JOKER? It has been reported that a man dressed in an elaborate Batman costume swooped in to help Canadian police fight crime – and was promptly told to beat it. The vigilante wannabe was caught on camera stepping out of his faux Batmobile and offering his service to the police at a crime scene.
CHINA: “She tried to pedal a lie, but still lost,” read the headline. A runner competing in the Xuzhou International Marathon was disqualified for bicycling for parts of the race. The unnamed female entrant was caught on tape pedaling her way to victory. Nevertheless, even bicycling, her finish was a slow 5 hours and 38 minutes.
CONNECTICUT: DUMMY! A stupid sports fan set a baseball field on fire to “dry it out.” A rained-out game at Governor Park in Ridgefield has been delayed even longer because someone doused the diamond with 24 gallons of gasoline and lit a match. The blaze tore across the grass before firefighters could put it out one Sunday in April 2019.
FLORIDA: What the shell? A man who called himself “the saint” was arrested for allegedly threatening to unleash an army of turtles to “destroy everyone.” Thomas Lame was charged with disturbing the peace, resisting arrest without violence and misusing 911.
FLORIDA: Please dress his mannequin, mom… A South Florida man recently went on a rampage against his mother, attacking her all because she refused to dress his mannequin, police report. Mikkel Dankner, 40, of Boynton Beach faces charges of aggravated battery on a victim 65 or older and domestic battery by strangulation. We learn that Dankner allegedly hit his mother over the head with a kitchen stool and shoved dumplings into her mouth.
