Weird Criminal Law Stories # 635: Busted and Lusted…

FLORIDA: “Busted and lusted,” read the headline. A man and a woman who were stopped for drunken bicycling in a Florida beach town had sex in a deputy’s patrol car, A Nassau County Sheriff’s Office arrest report reveals that after the couple were put into the car in Fernandina Beach to await being taken to jail, the couple took off their clothes and started having sex. When removed from the cruiser the man fled on foot. The report reveals he was later captured.

CALIFORNIA: Nature’s call, maybe? It has been reported that a mountain lion burst into an elderly couple’s house in Sonora and somehow locked itself in the bathroom. Edward Suddith, 84 and his wife, Kathy, 87, barricaded themselves in another room and called police. – who broke a window and set the lion free. Nobody was hurt. No lion, huh?

FLORIDA: Thieves Wig Out,” read the headline. The thieves in question stole $80,000 in wigs on a Tuesday in mid-September 2019 in a smash and grab heist in Miami Gardens. Surveillance video shows one masked thief directing an accomplice to ram a U-Haul truck repeatedly into the Prime Wholesale Beauty Supply store. The men were inside for less than five minutes. The owner said that the men knew what they were doing because they stole the most expensive wigs. Some of the stolen items were worth up to $800 each.

OREGON: The “Poohnabomber?” The police dubbed this title to a man who manufactured a revenge bomb loaded with dog poop and left it on the back seat of an ex-friend’s car. Robb Stout, 49, of Portland admitted rigging the poop laden toolbox to explode when the friend, who had failed to return borrowed tools, opened his car. We learn that the victim was not hurt, and Stout vowed to the court he would stay out of trouble. Nevertheless, he was given a sentence of three years’ probation.

PENNSYLVANIA: Truth in advertising?  A man who used a stolen debit card to buy a cellphone, beer and cigarettes signed the receipt “Thief,” according to authorities. The unidentified suspect is accused of snatching a purse from a lady who gave him a ride in the town of Butler, he then used her debit card to purchase a $200 Phone6S and a case of beer, according to police who later arrested him.

RUSSIAN: Holy Water, Holy Cow! We learn that Russian clergy in the city of Tver have recently taken to dumping “holy” water from airplanes to combat “drunkenness and fornication.”  “Any disease is from a virus, and virus is a demon. Therefore, any disease is primarily a spiritual disease,” Father Alexander Goryachev told the Moscow Times.

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