MARYLAND: Yoga Mat mishap? Recently a woman found a drunken man urinating on her yoga mat—and bit his neck. Melanie Jeffers, 42, allegedly confronted the boozer and tussled with him after he relieved himself on her mat at her Sykesville home, leaving him with a bloody wound. Police charged her with assault. Did the nasty drunk at least buy her a new yoga mat?
WISCONSIN: The headline read, “The Wienermobile just got a good grilling.” The story: The Oscar Mayer marketing vehicle was stopped by police one Sunday in January 2020 by police in Waukesha County for not obeying the state’s Move Over Law. The law requires drivers to move over a lane if they see emergency vehicles on the side of the road with their lights on. The vehicle was stopped but the driver only suffered a stern warning from the police who told the driver that “One of the most dangerous places for emergency responders and maintenance personnel is along the side of the road.’
UNITED KINGDOM: Distracted by Booze? Two burglars screwed up their raid on a London bookshop when they got distracted by booze. The crooks began to ransack the LGBT bookstore Gay’s the Word in February 2020 and then got into the tequila and prosecco left behind in the shop’s kitchen. Police found them in the basement, drinking. One man has been sentenced to six months in jail and the other to 16 weeks. The bookstore owner said, “Drinking was not the prudent thing to do mid-burglary.” NITWITS!!
WASHINGTON: Saved by the Bear Spray? We learn that a marijuana shop manager fought off three armed robbers in an exceptional but effective way – by blasting them with bear spray. The masked hoodlums had stormed the Marijuana Club 99 in the town of Everett on a February Saturday night and demanded drugs and cash. As the hoods stuffed items into bags, video footage showed manager Chris Vincent unleashing bear spray on them, causing the thieves to stumble and flee. We really wonder why a marijuana dispensary would have bear spray on hand?
UNITED KINGDOM: The Dope Tried to Eat his Cellphone… A British man pleaded guilty in February 2020 to endangering his fellow passengers after attempting to eat his cellphone mid-flight, causing part of it to fall onto a seat and started smoldering. He then threatened to kill a crew member. Yes, Matt Flaherty, 44, gnawed on his phone aboard the January 2019 Easy-Jet flight from Manchester England, to Iceland. The pilot made an emergency landing in Edinburgh, Scotland. What an Imbecile…
UNITED KINGDOM: A little night music, maybe? It has been reported that an 82-year-old man was sent to jail for terrorizing his neighborhood by blasting Classic FM radio. Ian Trainer was sentenced to 24 weeks for breaching a restraining order that barred him from playing the music above talking level between 9 am and 10 pm.
